Changes

Change is coming.  I don't know exactly what is changing, or just when, but I know it's coming.  It seems crazy, but ever since I thought God told me that during quiet time one morning several weeks ago, I've been a bit on edge with anticipation.  I think God also gave me a vague timeline for this change - around the time of the family trip I'll be going on soon.  He also told me to make the most of the free time I had left. 

Of course it's possible that it was just my imagination or me putting the words I wanted to hear in God's mouth, but I don't think so this time...  Partly because it's been confirmed several times in several ways.  Way back when this whole crazy ride started, I told God I was tired of making major life decisions based on just my ability to hear His guidance and I asked that when He wanted to provide me with info about the next steps, He would tell me, but also confirm it in other ways and through other people - probably not quite the trusting willingness He wanted to hear from a daughter...but still, He's answered my request and been very gentle about the whole thing.

First, just out of the blue one day He introduces the idea during our quiet time conversation.  Then, maybe a week or two later, some people at church were praying over me and, to make a long story short, basically ended up telling me exactly the same thing.  And finally a friend recently shared a scripture with me that just clinched the deal:

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.  The wild beasts will honor Me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to My chosen people, the people whom I formed for Myself that they might declare My praise." (Isaiah 43:18-21)

To me, not only does this verse clearly reinforce and confirm that God's changing something and doing something new in my life right now, it also provides me with hope and promises that God will go not only with me into this new thing, but also before me, and that even if He does lead me into more dry, difficult places, He will be faithful to provide nourishment.  And I have to admit that hope means a lot. 

The past 4 years were very challenging, which caused me to grow a lot - something I'm very grateful for - but they got increasingly more difficult as time went on, with this past year being probably the most difficult year of my life.  Looking back, I can see many things about it that were incredibly good for me, but it also took a lot out of me...  I don't think I've really processed through all of that yet, but suffice it to say, after the refreshing and restoration that have been granted me during this past few weeks and months, I have begun to realize just how spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically depleted and dry I had become.  Which left me beginning to seriously dread and fear the day when God called me out of the rest and back to the battle full force...  Given a choice, I never again want to do anything that might possibly lead me back into dry places like the ones I've just begun to come out of...but God didn't call me to carry water in the lush, fertile wetlands, He called me to carry water to those who are parched and thirsty and in need in the desert.  Or as Oswald Chambers put it,

"The test of our spiritual life is the power to descend; if we have power to rise only, something is wrong.  It is a great thing to be on the mount with God, but a man only gets there in order that afterwards he may get down among the devil-possessed and lift them up." (My Utmost for His Highest)

 But in that passage from Isaiah, God speaks multiple times of "rivers in the desert" and of providing nourishment for His people - something I've taken as a promise from Him.  This time around, yes, we probably will go into very dry and horribly difficult places.  And yes, I probably will get dry and depleted again over time.  But He will provide the refreshing and restoration I need, even in the midst of the desert, and He will prove faithful, just as He has during this time of rest this summer/fall...

So, while I'm still up in the air and a bit on edge, I'm more confident at this point.  Nope, it won't be easy, whatever it is.  But change is coming very soon, and we're going to keep moving forward, and my loving Father is going to keep caring for me ever so gently and tenderly, even in the midst of it.  And it's gonna be good...